Ha-Ha Harvard

After an extended break from my blogging on One Too Many, I am now back and stronger than ever to discuss one of the biggest jokes in the land—wait for it—HARVARD. For those of you fortunate enough to be unaware of the absurdity that is Harvard University, it is the oldest American university, founded in 1636, and it is located in the town of Cambridge, Mass-a-two-shits. Ok, I’ll admit it: I may come on a bit heavy in the hating Harvard department. However, despite my innate aversion to Harvard given my love for Yale—its most classic collegiate rival—I have several reasons to support my belief that Harvard is one big conceited joke.

The exclusivity at Harvard—this unnecessary sense of self-importance—ruins the college experience. While I’m sure the homogenous group of students that are members of the Finals Clubs enjoy their time, going to the same place night after night with the same group of students defeats the purpose of attending one of the most diverse universities in the world. Long lines outside of the Clubs are patrolled by underclassmen grasping onto every ounce of power given to them, dressed spiffily in coat and tie. Conversely, at Yale fraternities (our equivalent social houses), the doors remain open to anyone who wishes (dares?) to attend and booze is free for the taking. Even more, wearing a coat and tie to a Yale fraternity is laughable; the dress code for the brothers usually requires no shirt, or at least one soaked with beer. Simply put, Yale fosters an infinitely friendlier and happier environment than our bitter rivals. Yalies, often ranked “#2” by unknowing outsiders, enjoy their college experience significantly more than Harvard students who simply bask in their exclusivity and ooze the conceit that comes with their famous name.

And finally, let’s reminisce with some old-school SAT analogies:

1. Exclusive is to Harvard as _________ is to Yale.
a. Stylish
b. Embracing
c. Cool
d. Toad’s

2. Mean is to Harvard as _________ is to Yale.
a. Dick
b. Smart
c. Loving
d. Nasty

3. Misery is to Harvard as _________ is to Yale.
a. Distress
b. Ecstasy
c. Gloom
d. Depression

Answer Key:
1. b
2. c
3. b